We’ve heard this many times that DV survivors patch up very quickly. This event leaves the support person frustrated and wondering why a woman would go to her abusive partner. The reasons are many, from financial to personal.  Reasons for returning back to the abuser are somewhat similar to why she hesitates leaving her abuser in the first place. The very first barrier to her freedom has very much to do with her being financially dependent on her partner.

As told before, the abuser sometimes doesn’t let the woman retain the jobs she has had in the past or is currently in by causing problems at her workplace.  Additionally, there is a high chance that the abuser has destroyed the woman’s support system which she had carefully built over time.  It becomes even harder for stay at home mothers and women whose credit history has been destroyed by their partners.

Sometimes, women feel unsupported and isolated which hinders their drive to remain separated from their abusers and they return back when it becomes too much to bear. She also feels she has no choice but to return to the abuser.  Other times, the guy cajoles her into returning back by asking for forgiveness and by promising that he has changed. This however almost never happens and not forget that they often use manipulative ways to bring the woman back.

Kids are another big reason. Often woman feels sorry for her kids because her move separated the kids from their dad. Vice Verse, she may be made to believe by the abuser that he will harm the kids if she doesn’t return.  Whatever the scenario maybe, children too are a big reason why women return back.

Also, a big reason  is the fact that most women still get harassed, stalked and abused after they leave. In fact, according to the Uniform Crime Reports of the US, 1996, 30% of all female murder victims in the U.S were killed by their current or former intimate partners.  Therefore, statistically, the women are more at risk of getting killed after they have left.  So, women sometimes decide to go back to the abuser rather than taking the risk of being killed.

The key to helping the survivors is to not become judgmental but to understand that when a woman makes a decision to return to the abuser, she actually makes a rational and an intelligent decision.

Next Week’s question: He’s a good guy and counseling will change him!

Save the Date! Our 4th annual SAWERA Fundraiser will be held on Saturday, October 9th at the Benson Hotel in downtown Portland. Enjoy an evening of dinner, dancing, auctions and entertainment – all proceeds will go directly to serve the women and children who are victims of domestic violence. We look forward to seeing you and more details will be posted soon! 

The 3rd annual SAWERA fundraiser was held on October 3rd, 2009 at the beautiful and historic Benson Hotel in downtown Portland. It was an evening of dinner, dancing, entertainment, and most importantly, fundraising. In total, we raised over $35,000! Your personal commitment is incredibly appreciated and allowed us to exceed our goal. All the proceeds generated will directly benefit the South Asian women and children experiencing domestic violence.

The evening was filled with many heartfelt moments, including a client story and video that highlighted the experiences of domestic violence victims. We also received praise for our silent auction and live auction. Later, DJ Prashant rocked the dance floor with Bollywood and Bhangra until late in the evening. From the feedback we have received, everyone had a marvelous time.

We at SAWERA would like to thank you for your time and support in making this event a colossal success. Our special thanks to the Benson for being such wonderful hosts at our biggest fundraising event of the year. To all of our guests, we sincerely appreciate your generosity in support of our cause. We look forward to seeing you at next year’s event, tentatively scheduled for October 2, 2010.