It is becoming fairly common to hear about domestic violence among well educated H1-B holders, which demands the need for all women who plan to accompany their spouse on H4 visas  to be aware of the conditions that come with this visa. To begin with, H4 visa is a dependent visa which is applied by many women/men from other countries that allows them to accompany their spouse in the US.A.

It is sad to know that many women on dependent visa are abused from the day of the wedding. Cultural barriers along with the hope of ‘marriage would get better with time’ attitude leaves the women scared  and vulnerable and unfortunately, many women do accept  it as a part of the life and try to adjust with it.  Apart from the common barriers like language and culture, immigration status is one of the major barriers these women face.  And often, fear of deportation makes many women suffer in silence. A study of Indian women on H-4 visas, Marrying Into America: The H-4 Visa Bind, found that many women “are highly vulnerable to abuse because they have neither emigrational nor financial independence.”^[1]

We see that many women, even in happy marriages,  who are dependent on the status of their husbands were unknown of the big and small conditions that came with a dependent visa and god forbid, if the partners turned out to be abusive , the situation became even worse. The purpose of this post to give the readers an overview of what it means to be on a dependent visa and what role does immigration play in abusive relationships.

Power and Control Tactics used by the abuser:

This version of the Power and Control wheel, adapted with permission from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota, focuses on some of the many ways battered immigrant women can be abused.

It is very important to know that dependents on H-4 visas:

• Do not have a right to employment
• Do not have a social security number
• Do not have an independent immigration status.

Which in many cases would mean that the principal visa holders are in complete control of their spouses and usually, immigration status becomes a tool to gain power and control by the spouse.

The principal visa holder may abuse the women by threatening her in the following ways:

• report her to the INS and get her deported.
• that he will not file immigration papers to renew the visa.
• that he will withdraw the petition he filed to legalize her immigration status.
• that he will harm someone in her family in the home country.
• that he will have someone harm her family members.
• that he will take the children from the United States.
• that he will report her children to the INS.

Along with the points above, the abuser might isolate her from friends and family and minimize his actions by saying that they do not mean anything unless they were done in public. Many times,  the principal holders intimidate the H4 holders by taking away all the immigration documents( i.e. passports, kid’s passports, ID cards, health care cards, all the supporting documents).

Safety Plan for Immigrant Women- Courtesy Ayuda Inc. Legal Aid Washington D.C

1.       Do not hesitate to call 911 if you feel unsafe around your spouse. Remember, you have rights even if you an undocumented resident.

2.       Keep copies of all yours and your children’s documents, passports with a trusted friend or neighbor.

3.       Work with an advocate to understand your rights as an immigrant in the U.S.A.

4.       Keep a record of all your bruises or external markings indicative of abuse.

5.       Tell your friends about the abuse. Do not keep quiet about the abuse.

6.       Tell your parents about the abuse. They can be a great support system.

7.       Keep in mind all the safe places you can go to when your safely is threatened.

8.       Do not use the computer at home if you are accessing sensitive information( example: abuse, how to get away from your abuser etc,) instead go to a local library.

9.       Change passwords to your email and other accounts regularly.

10.    Clear your computer’s temporary internet files if you use the home computer.

11.   Call SAWERA at 503 778 7386.

Visas that can be applied for a DV survivor:

Speak with your domestic violence advocate if you wish to apply for any of the Visas below:

VAWA SELF-PETITION

The violence Against Women Act of 1994( VAWA) is a federal law which was passed in 1994 as a result of grassroots efforts in the early 1900’s from victim services fields, law enforcement agencies, prosecutors offices and the courts.

VAWA enables battered spouses and their children to obtain lawful immigration status without the abuser’s knowledge or permission since it is a confidential petition.

U VISA

This Visa enables a dependent spouse or an illegal immigrant to obtain a legal status to live the country. However, there are conditions that apply. The victims must collaborate with the investigation or prosecution of the crime. The U Visa gives authorization to work.  Please speak to your advocate for more information.

T VISA

The T Visa is specifically for immigrants trafficked into the United States for commercial sex or labor. Please speak to your advocate for more information.

Online Resources

• www.legalmomentum.org
• www.refugees.org
• http://www.jessenlaw.com/US-Immigration-U-Visa.aspx
• www.endabuse.org
• www.ncadv.org
• www.immigrantwomennetwork.org
• www.stopfamilyviolence.org

Asian

• www.sawera.org
• Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence
• www.dvrp.org

Muslim

• www.baitulsalaam.net
• www.faithus.org
• www.niswa.org
• www.sista2sista.org
• www.amila.org
• www.karamah.org

Martyris, Nina (16 September 2002). “Kiran: Ray of hope for abused Indian women in US”. The Times of India. http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/22395940.cms. Retrieved October 15th,  2010.

Facebook has become such a popular tool to connect with friends, family and the ” world” around that we sometime forget about who may be watching us. Although it may be the most popular tool to nurture extended personal network and it may be great way to get the needed support, it can very well become a tool for the abusers to keep a tab on their (ex) partners. For those who have left their abusive partners should be informed thoroughly about not sharing their private information, pictures and whereabouts on their profile pages for safety reasons. Facebook is not immune to hackers and therefore high level of privacy settings must be administered.

Through this blog post, we would like to reach out to survivors who are thinking about having an FB page or those who already have active accounts.

Here are the privacy settings that everyone should know:

1. Search Visibility- Google and Facebook: Do you know you can make your profile non searchable? It means no one will be able to search your FB profile by using Google or the search page on FB, while you will be able to search anyone.  This can be done by using the drop down menu on your right hand side of your profile page and choosing privacy settings according to your level of visibility you want.

2. Make good use of your Friend Lists:

You may organize your friend lists according to the information you wish to share with them. Since Facebook is not free of loopholes, a person who does not belong to your list, but is someone from your friends friend list may have access to your pictures. Friends lists can be created by using Edit Friends.

3. Photo/Video Tag:

This is the loophole that was mentioned above. Once tagged, your pictures or videos can been seen by your friend’s friends. However, this setting can be changed too. Go to Privacy settings page and select the option: customize. You may then choose ‘only me’ option. This will only allow you to see the pictures if you were tagged by your friends.

4. Protect your pictures:

Just like other information, your pictures can be protected too by being allowed to be viewed only by your friends.

5. Make your contact information private:

If you want your contact information to be shared only among your friends, make it a point do so. Go on Privacy settings and customize them according to your safety plan.

Facebook has been an amazing social networking website which one on has brought long lost friends together but on the other hand has given abusers another tool to stalk or harass their (ex) partners. Be Informed Be Aware !

We’ve heard this many times that DV survivors patch up very quickly. This event leaves the support person frustrated and wondering why a woman would go to her abusive partner. The reasons are many, from financial to personal.  Reasons for returning back to the abuser are somewhat similar to why she hesitates leaving her abuser in the first place. The very first barrier to her freedom has very much to do with her being financially dependent on her partner.

As told before, the abuser sometimes doesn’t let the woman retain the jobs she has had in the past or is currently in by causing problems at her workplace.  Additionally, there is a high chance that the abuser has destroyed the woman’s support system which she had carefully built over time.  It becomes even harder for stay at home mothers and women whose credit history has been destroyed by their partners.

Sometimes, women feel unsupported and isolated which hinders their drive to remain separated from their abusers and they return back when it becomes too much to bear. She also feels she has no choice but to return to the abuser.  Other times, the guy cajoles her into returning back by asking for forgiveness and by promising that he has changed. This however almost never happens and not forget that they often use manipulative ways to bring the woman back.

Kids are another big reason. Often woman feels sorry for her kids because her move separated the kids from their dad. Vice Verse, she may be made to believe by the abuser that he will harm the kids if she doesn’t return.  Whatever the scenario maybe, children too are a big reason why women return back.

Also, a big reason  is the fact that most women still get harassed, stalked and abused after they leave. In fact, according to the Uniform Crime Reports of the US, 1996, 30% of all female murder victims in the U.S were killed by their current or former intimate partners.  Therefore, statistically, the women are more at risk of getting killed after they have left.  So, women sometimes decide to go back to the abuser rather than taking the risk of being killed.

The key to helping the survivors is to not become judgmental but to understand that when a woman makes a decision to return to the abuser, she actually makes a rational and an intelligent decision.

Next Week’s question: He’s a good guy and counseling will change him!

Self Defense for Women

Being a woman I constantly fear about ‘what ifs’.  What if I was attacked in an elevator while going to a friend’s place. What if I was standing face to face with a known or an unknown man who was trying to harm me. Although these fears make me imagine most unpleasant events,  it is good to know that women can protect themselves from predators by knowing their physical strength and by practicing some self defense techniques.  It is specially good to know that Self Defense  is a skill which can be learned by practice.

Here are some basic things to remember:

1. Awareness of the surroundings- Always be aware of the surroundings.  It is such a common sight to see almost everyone listening to their iPods while walking alone. Listening to phones and music limits your ability to be fully aware of the area around you.
2. Fight or Flight- When confronted by an attacker, you have only 2 options to think about and that too in a split second. If there is enough room for you to run, then run without looking back, and if there is no option of running, fight back.
3. Fight Back:

Hands –Use hands for grabbing and tearing at soft flesh to inflict maximum pain. The underside of the arm and the inner thigh are two good areas to aim for.

Elbows –Elbow can cause a lot of pain in the ribs, sternum, diaphragm, throat, and groin.

Knees – A woman’s legs are the strongest part of her body. The area around the kneecap can do unthinkable damage when brought up between an attacker’s legs.

Head –Whether you’ve been grabbed from the front or from behind, slamming your head into an attacker’s face can cause a lot of pain.

Feet – Use the ball of your foot to kick an attacker’s ankle, calf, or Achilles’ tendon or use your heel to stomp down on their instep.

Teeth – Bite and bite hard. It usually throws off the attacker in pain which can give you some time to escape. Like all times, use your judgment.

4. Hit him where it hurts the most:

Groin –Aim aim for the assailant’s testicles with your knee or crush or swat this area with your hand or fist.

Eyes – If you are held by the attacker, it means his hands are occupied. You can use one hand to grab the back of his neck and pull him down. Attack his eyes.

Throat – Attacking throat takes less force but is very effective.

5. Practice and envision.

Practice most of the moves, or create scenarios in your mind and think what you would do in case you are attacked.

Material based on information on :

http://www.selfdefense-4-women.com/

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!
–Rudyard Kipling

One more time-

Compilation Courtesy: SAWERA Volunteer